6 Things I Envy About Other Women

13 Oct

Yeah, what are you looking at….?

I came across this hilarious fashiony feature the other day from a great American blog called Narcissista.me. Something to make you chuckle on a Saturday morning! Hx


I don’t like thinking of myself as an envious person.  But it’s when I catch tiny glimpses of things I realize I will never have, that I take a deep sigh and longingly wish, even if just for a minute or two, about what life is like on the other side.

What can I say, the grass is always greener and I have desires, I am weak.  So if you’re having a bad day and find yourself with one of these qualities here, just know that if you cross my path, I’m wanting a little of that magic you’ve got.


1) Tiny waists that showcase the perfect belt.  Even over bulky things. I’m too short waisted for this to look good and for the love of God, can’t even think about bulky sweaters with or without the belt.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t try;  I have about twenty of them hanging in my closet – neon, animal print, sequined, gold — unused but not unloved.  Thankfully, this trend, which peaked in 2010, is waning, but it would be nice knowing I could get away with this if I wanted to.

Photo credit: AP

2) Legs that can wear shoe booties and ankle straps. Oscar de le Renta is a cruel monster for designing these shoes that I don’t understand yet desperately want but will never be able to wear.  While my legs usually work in my favor, I’ve learned after years of being 5’2’ that there just isn’t enough body real-estate to carry this off without looking like a well hoofed pony.  I will forever be serving a life sentence of leg lengthening stilettos in nude, black, metallic or leopard.

Photo Credit: Mario Testino, British Vogue 2011

3) A great back.   There is nothing sexier than restraint coupled with the element of surprise and this case that means revealing a swath of skin that no one sees coming. On a woman with a great back, people are left glancing, staring; on me they’re left with “I think you forgot to zip your dress up”.

It’s one of the most elegantly sensual looks a woman can sport, but not everyone should.  Now my back is just fine, it doesn’t hurt, it holds me up, but it’s just kind of there.  A woman with a great back has length, shape, muscle tone and great skin.   It’s actually a tough look to pull off well, but one of the most under-estimated assets a woman can have.

I actually think back is the new butt.

Photo Credit: AP

4. Naked arms.   If I had great arms, my closet would be crammed with sheath dresses in every color.  I would make full arm gestures in meetings.  Every day would be an arm party.   A great arm isn’t too skinny (looking at you Angie) it’s not too muscular (hey Madge), it’s shapely and supple like Michelle’s or Halle Berry’s.  Mine offset narrow shoulders and tend to be a fat magnet, so if I’m 5 pounds over my fighting weight or haven’t planked in a month (who am I kidding, I don’t really plank) they resemble little Jimmy Dean sausages.

The test of a really great arm?  Being able to hold your arms high and wave without having your upper arms do the same.

I dream.  Or maybe I should just plank.

5. Women who can wear creamy beige neutrals.   Colour is my prison.  While I am a huge advocate of colour and think it’s one of the easiest ways to look prettier, for me it’s my only choice, especially as I’ve got older.   Largely it’s my skin tone.  I’ve got that Irishy, freckled thing going on with yellowy undertones that drown in creams, beiges and just about any neutral.  And neutrals look so sumptuous, and rich.   Don’t even get me started on the glories of a white crisp shirt worn with nothing at all.

None of it can be mine in this lifetime, I will forever be dressed like a rainbow.

6. Women who look great in wear stripes.  There is no sign of this trend going away, especially if you’ve seen the collections from the spring 2013 NYFW.  And why should there be?  Stripes are awesome and classic.  But no matter how many interpretations of the Breton shirt I’ve tried, they just look terrible on me (see arms above).  I wrote about my stripe lust over the summer after yet another failed attempt to wear stripes.  But for you girls who look wonderful in stripes; enjoy them, love while I live my striped fantasy life through you.

Ironically, when telling my mother-in-law (she who all things South American beauty savvy) about this post, she said,

“You know what I envy?  People who really don’t care about what they look like”.

Well said MIL, well said.


3 Responses to “6 Things I Envy About Other Women”

  1. Madeleine October 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm #

    I have never looked at my back. Now I am considering getting my husband to take a photo to discover whether it is my prized asset or not! Not sure backless numbers will go down well in the school playground though. I think I agree with the MIL!

  2. Sheb Kronfeld October 13, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

    l love your blog, it’s genius.

    I have just returned after 5 years of living just outside New York, first going as a newlywed with a five month old baby, and coming back with a 5 year old, 4 year old and 16 month old twins!!
    As you can imagine, life’s very different from when I left – having left after years living in London and now renting in Buckinghamshire, an area neither my husband or I are from.

    Soooo, basically, i’m not sure if you can help at all, but we’re currently desperately searching for a place to buy (how I found out about your blog, a friend of yours showed us around a house in Chearsley), but it’s extremely hard and scary trying to find a house when you have no clue about the area…

    Today I saw a house I loved in a place called Charlton on Otmoor in Oxfordshire and wondered if you knew anything about it, or that area. Or could suggest any lovely places that are a good place to live, in Buckinghamshire or Oxfordshire (commuter distance from Marlow), that are lovely family places, with fun young families. Chearsley seemed the perfect place, whereas I didn’t get the same sort of feel in Haddenham, for example.

    I suppose it’s all personal taste, but I’m desperate!!! If you ever get around to compiling a list of lovely places to bring your children up in the area, please please let me know about it, or put it on your blog.

    But in the meantime, do you know anything about Charlton on Otmoor – the place seemed nice, but not sure and have no idea if there are good schools – certainly Bucks seems to have the best schools, even at primary level???

    Sorry if this is a bit random and totally understand if you don’t have time to respond.

    Huge thanks anyway and keep up the sterling job with your blog!


    Sent from my iPad

    • Muddy Stilettos October 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

      Hi Sheila

      Sorry not to get back to you sooner (my blogazine launching and it’s a HEADACHE) and thanks for taking the time to write such nice things about my little labour of love!

      OK, in brief:
      If you’re thinking about moving with kids in mind (and you have a fair few) Bucks might be a smarter move than Oxon unless you have heaps of money. Just because of grammar schools. Any strong views either way?

      Bizarrely enough I am from Haddenham (!) but villages and what you see in them are entirely personal. Not sure if you like them small and intimate or larger.

      My experience of Haddenham has been brilliant in that it’s a large village which I like (particularly coming from London – I’m ex Islington), with great facilities (almost every conceivable club for adults and children), excellent primary schools and easy links so that as the kids get older they can hop on trains and buses and you’re not a taxi the entire time. There’s also a very strong community feel to Haddenham. It’s very pretty in parts – typical Midomer Murders location- though the outskirts and the main thoroughfare, like many villages these days, is not attractive.

      However, if you like Chearsley I’m suspecting you’re looking for smaller/cuter.

      Does it matter to you that you drive for 10-15 mins to the station for a commute? Let me know and I’ll give you more specific answers.

      Must dash, school run!

      Hero x

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